My New single

 

Available on Itunes, Amazon and Nokia Music 

Everything

I was sitting here alone in a quiet solitude and tried c onsolidating everythin that has happened in my life over the past few days in my life and realised  a few things. It takes one  moment to come into your life to realise the direction that you have been goin on full speed and to see that life is really a game of luck. You never really know what cards you have been dealt with  and sometimes you reach a point where your cards dont fit the design that placed in front of you, you pick another card in the hope that maybe it will aid your game. The card you pick may either , deter you further or , bring you closer to a victory. the funny thing in all this is that one player can be very confident and one can be very timid but the only thing that is certain is neither of them knows the other players hand.

What am I trying to say?Life is  is about how to approach the game . winning or losing is in the mind. the only thing one can do is opening their mind to realising their capabilities. We all have to realise that regardless of our strategies no one knows what cards will be dealt to them therefore no one is at an advantage . Each day we wake up is an opportunity for victory. We cannot win if we do not know that we have the capability to do so. Its easy to just get up and go on with the day but sometimes we need to attack the day and challenge it and in those moment s you find how strong you really are. Someone once told me that no one really knows how strong they are until being strong is the only option there is .

As a parting word , ive been listening to this song, its one thats really getting to my heart Right Now I sing it to MYSELF and to God ……. no better words to describe how I want to feel about me Outside any opinions….

Find Me Here

Speak To Me

I want to feel you

I need to hear you

You are the light

That’s leading me

To the place

where I find peace, again.

 

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.

You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.

You are the life, to my soul.

You are my purpose, you’re everything.

 

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

 

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.

You hold me in your hands, you won’t let me fall.

You still my heart, and you take my breath away.

Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

 

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

 

Cause you’re all I want, you’re all I need

You’re everything, everything

You’re all I want, you’re all I need

You’re everything, everything.

You’re all I want, you’re all I need.

You’re everything, everything

You’re all I want, you’re all I need.

You’re everything, everything.

 

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be any better, any better than this.

 

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

 

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Throwing on my Louboutins……. Freedom

I know this is a cliche term or rather uncanny term that I used as a title. I know its going to raise a few eyebrows but let me explain why I chose that title. You see I have been listening to  a song by Brandy called louboutins and I had never quite grasped the essence of the song. Many would think its a tacky product placement  gimmic for a song title or bringing high fashion to music but this song is really about not becomming a victim.

As human beings we have the tendency to become a victim at the end of a bad situation/ friendship/ whatever. We become a walking sob story or validation station but  I have just realised that the only way to positively move forawrad from any bad situation is by not allowing it to make you to become a victim. Its about allowing yourself to walk out the situation with victory on your feet. With glamour. See how the protagonist talks about how they want to wear their favourite pair of shoes in order to leave the situation. Have we ever noticed how hard it is to walk out of a situation without becoming a victim. Walking out of a situation with positve thoughts and strength and smile on your face.

I am currently in a situation that I find myself at a crossroads wondering whether I should go left or right. But one choice that I have made is that I will not allow myself or the situation to make me a victim. Regardless of whether I go left or right, I will  walk away with no chip on my shoulder and with a smile on my face. In the words of Brandy on another son called freedom she says

 

“I saw the train comin’ for me with the force of a million marching
I felt the eyes of so many, the whispers and shouts about my belief in us
I see the cloaks on the judges, flaws in the judgement, beast in the dungeon that dont scare me
And I’ll say it on a mountain, say it all in public, hold a press conference to speak about my freedom

Just us – lookin’ upon a city of towers soaring
Just us – standing our ground in a crowd of lions roaring
Just us – I won’t be held, I won’t back down no more
Just us – Freedom
Just us – Freedom

I flew away this morning, what if I ran away and never came back
And all of the fame means nothing, it’s all a game and the gladiator just won’t win
And I see cloaks on the judges, flaws in the judgement, beasts in the dungeon, don’t look scared to me
And I’ll say it on a mountain, say it all in public, hold my head high, I’ma speak about my freedom

Free to run on the water
Free to believe, free to love
Free to speak their mountain off the ground and
I believe in us”

 

I substitute the words Us with “ME” in this text. I realise that at the end I am my own best friend , I am my own motivation. Dont be a victim 🙂

 

CrossRoads ….. New Years Resolution

Me , Myself and I ….. having a moment to think about what it is I really want for the year 2011. Somehow its easy to think you have a grasp on the things that happen in your life especially relating to the way events unfold. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am in the position I am in my life regardless of how much blame I put on myself and other people I am where I am.

Now the question is, who, what and why should I count on to change the place and to move to a preferred destination in my life.

As a new year begins we all talk about how we are going to change things and how we are going to have a better year.

The question is why then is it that at the end of every eyar we get to a place of questioning ourselves, and how we complain about each year bing the worst year ever in retrospect. Off course each year has its bags of misfortune and each year has its buckets of goodwill the question is how do we choose to digest these two seprate events. This year particularly for me I had several bags of misfortune, but at the same time I had incredible highlights. Could it be that at the beginning of each year we set a tone and a standard for each year that is by

far unachivable and then when we fail to reach our expectations we blame it on being a bad year. How about we start of by having a new years resolution not to have a resolution. To have a year free of expectation and anything but to rely on each even being a product of our best efforts and hard work regardless of results and to measure each years achievement on the merit of how it pans out.

In my case in particular I found that this will be a better appraoch towards finding a year full of happiness and contentment.

The thing is that a new year is merely a change of sentiment and dates but the thing that should remain the same is the work ethic. I am looking at many areas of my life and quite franky EVERYTHING is about to change. The biggest thing I will to change is my ability to say no and to put myself first. Any situation that seeks to put itself above me in terms of priority in my life will be uprooted and some of these situations will hurt to let go off but in order for me to take strides in the right direction, I need to make the effort to change things in my life towards the right direction. Sometimes in order to become who we want to be we need to loose everything in order to gain ourselves. My only resolution for this year to better myself emotionally metally and spiritually. I know that once I

find my ground in these 3 areas everything else will align with my dreams and focus. My work ethic and focus will align with my will power and focus in life.

So as we ring in the new year, I say to you my readers, look at yourself, before you set your goals and aspirations in plan for the year, where is your allegiance, is it with you or a social perception of how you see yourself.  I wish you all a pleasant and fruitful year , love you , Nigel

Incredibly decadent…….

So its easy to look at ur life and see something that you never thought you would see one day, and wonder how it is possuible that you took such a road when honestly speaking its soemthing you never thought you would do. I find myself in this place where everything seems so unfamiliar and to the point where you question your very own personal ethic. I ask myself who am I and how did I get here.

 

In recent months I found myself taking a journey to very deep cool and untreaded waters. I find myself in a new territory one that is very fluid in nature and scary at the same time very fulfilling.  This is attributed to my new found love in me and in my life. I have found  that sometimes fear is good. It forces us to fight and face things head on.  My mother always says bravery is not the absence of fear but  the ability to face fear straight up and challenge it. I would have never found myself in the place that I am in today had I not faced my fears. I wake up each day and my heart beats hard wondering when this world i have so carefully crafted will crumble but the real truth is tomorrow is not promised I can enjoy today and face tomorrow when it comes.

I have found that I  used to believe in love as this very easy and heart warming fuzzy feeling that comes and takes away all the bad and brings joy .. quite frankly I used to see Love as this Happily ever after scenario that only ends with smiles and joy. Life however has taught me so much more about what real love is. Life has exposed the complexities and dimensions of what real Love is.

See our Idea of Love has distorted the way we see and approach love. Love is a combination of every emotion possible boiled into one, both good and bad. Anger, Joy, disappointment, fear, trust , hurt, pain and many other possible feeling are entailed in what love is. The concept of real love is often seen a way to escape the negative of this world. In reality love is a war within yourself. It is a place where in your heart you can care deeply, be hurt and hurt as well to bruise and be bruised. In all this the essence of what ;love is becomes the fact that at the end of the day you become a better person.

Love is a complex that defines your persona. it is a place where you loose control of how you view the person standing in front of you and stop seeking perfection but seek humanity , reality and honesty. It is a place where judgment becomes a matter of the past but that your heart sees the individual for who they are.. Flaws and all. and still want to see them for who they are. I myself have felt such love. I have seen the effect of what love can do . Love is not ice cream and cake. Love is like a pair of spectacles to our hearts. Real Love is not blind. Real love is when you see clearly and still you want to still stay standing.

Too often a time we Lose out on finding real love because we are looking for an ideal. We miss the point by trying to see fairy tales and fantasy. When real love comes you will open your eyes to see what reality is.

Real love allows you to forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself for the things you fail in is a big part of being in love. Learning how to love yourself comes with being in love because you begin to see yourself for who you really are. You begin to see your true qualities when you find real love. You stop questioning your existence but embrace your humanity in the discovery of your individuality.

I hope this shed light as to what love is to some of you that may have questioned if real love exists .. It does exist .. we just need to stop looking for ideal and start living our lives in reality.

Frightfully Brave [Blind Leap]

I know reading the title of this blog can make one wonder Is it possible to be frightfully brave.  Is it even possible to be brave yet you had fear. Well i have experienced this very scenario in my life. The past 5 months have been a freefall emotionally and mentally for me. I had reached a point in my life (prior) to this where I thought I could control how my life and the outcome of situations would occur. I assumed that as I had done before life would be consistant enough to bring a new variety of situations and yet my unwavering determination would ensure the same result.  Strangely on April 16th 201o I encountered one new experience that would change my life. I found myself in the midst of a situation for which i had completely no control. The more I wanted to run the more I was drawn towards this place of uncertainty. A place where I bared my soul, I bared my mind and intelect and allowed fate to become the ruler of my universe. One moment in time became an endless capsule of contrived and frightening emotions. Emotions I did not understand and yet felt compelled to see through. This door opened a new view of the world one that made me realise my inabilities, limitations and a new side of my life that i had so consitantly tried to falter. An exsistance by which in all standards my normal life scenarios would seem far fetched. There were moments where I thought I was playing with fire and that I would get burnt and yet I was brave. Brave enough to see how this would end and how I would find my ground as it went.

This phase of my life became a place of new ground a self discovery of some sort, one where I found a new ground to stand on. A greater confidence that I took and enhanced my personal existance with. I chose to be brave and stand for what I wanted, despite all the  tough moments the moments that the voice within me told me to run. The moments where I felt way beneath my comfort zone. And yet, what I realised

was that within this phase there were two situations. Both so full of the same fear, afraid of the same fire and looking in the same direction from different perspectives.  A combination of situations that were both perfectly imperfect. And I realised one thing both were Frightfully Brave enough to face the storm. and once these scenarios reached a plateau one thing became clear. The fear was only

but a foundation for one thing,  an imperfect union of perfectly imperfect scenarios both reaching toward the same Light….

So my lesson today is, never be afraid to go and fight for something that u long for, because one thing that this scenario taught me is fighting is not about aggressiveness its about facing your fears going towards them blindly but remembering that the biggest regret  you would have otherwise is if you had never tried.

Think about it ….

Unthinkable…

So I am am sitting here  thinking about a lot of things that are happening in my life at this very moment. The good , the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.  And somehow in one split second i had a moment of silence in my head. There was no good, no bad , no ugly and definitely no beautiful thoughts going through my head, just peace and quiet. And for tht very instant  I was not thinking  I was just living. I felt no pain, I felt nothing i was just ….

Now the significance of this is really bland I know. I guess it all seems insignificant. To me though this was an epiphany !! Why do I say this ? Listen to this, I really for that instant felt like i was in a floating state and i felt closest to God. I felt at peace with my existence and I lost all inhibitions and i felt like there was nothing impossible. Sad to say this only lasted a minute  or less but that was enough to give me strength to continue with this blissfully painful existence called life.

Somehow in life we all get to places where we think too much into life and try to process everything into one organised criteria that we ourselves cannot determine due to the fact that we actually have no clue why we are here. I took this epiphany to be a view of something like this valley. You see in life we all have ups  and downs we have rainy days we have sunshine and we have moments where the wind blows so hard we lose track of where we are going. But right at the bottom  of this valley there lies a moment of perfectly still , calm, quiet and peaceful existence.  This is how I viewed life from that moment on. In order to get to that place, we have to go up, we have to toss and turn shrubs, we have to be rained on and we have to endure certain moments that are life changing and difficult. But when you reach that place you realize that somehow everything becomes insignificant. Its like a pregnant woman, the duration of the pregnancy and the labor all become insignificant the moment she holds that bundle of joy in her hands. When everything steps away and the world only exists in her eyes.

The thing is , Life is way too confusing for any of us to fully understand it. We can all read self help books and take motivational courses and perhaps live by certain rules and principles that are defined in order to make life easier. The reality is that none of that will work if your own existence is not full and complete in your heart. Its easy to flood your mind and cause clutter by creating non essential items that are meant to enhance your existence. the true test of life is that you have to realize that none of the tasks that life has for you are thinkable. The best moments in your life come when you are at peace and realize that life in its form is UNTHINKABLE. Nobody or no-one can claim to have any insight on tomorrow. We can all plan tomorrow and try and find a way around it but all we can do is think. But the true results of tomorrow are truly unthinkable. So why do we waste time thinking over things that are truly unthinkable.   Maybe its time you realise that the only thing and the only way to control your life is by making your existence meaningful. To stop trying to control external factors and focus on you! to stop thinking and realise that the biggest achievements in life are those that were unthinkable. If you are still trying to think through things the only thing you are doing is limiting yourself ….

Falling From The Sky

http://www.zshare.net/audio/729308021b2cf915

Ok , So I guess this time is a moment of being real. I been having a tough time and its so hard to stay positive t times. I’m never usually one to take time and spend it on being depressed.  seem to always find a way out of it . I  Somehow feel very very obsolete in this existence of life for the very first time.  I am taking time to step back and analyse a few things that have happened in my life and weighing how they have created a chain of events that has led to this place that I am in now.

This got me to thinking, sometimes you go through life in a cruising lane. its really easy to go through the motions of life and not even realise that there so many things that are being created by your motions. Its easy to believe that you are doing ok and then one day just flood yourself with a tonne of bricks that you have no idea where it came from. I am realising that life is a series of interlinked activities that sometimes you never realise how they have all related or resulted in a certain outcome.

So many times we go through the motions and think everything is ok. Well today I am not OK and I am realising that my inability to accept that im not perfect has resulted in this feeling of absolute loneliness. Its hard to think anyone could understand that life is not perfect. Especially when you are the one who is always on the giving end of things. When people assume that you are a superhero and that you are doing fine all the time. I have held that title for a long time. I do everything , help everyone and I’m always there even for the people that do me more harm than good. I’ve never turned a blind eye to anyone regardless of anything. I am always that go to person who is always ever handy and ready to up and leave my life.

People have such high expectations for me emotionally and I deliver all the time. Right now I feel like I’m falling from the sky with no parachute and i feel like no-one can ever understand what I’m feeling. For the first time i understand people that take their own lives. When you feel like no-one can relate or is taking you seriously enough. Sometimes its jut maybe you don’t know how to make the pain stop.  Right now I am in that place. I guess this blog makes no sense . All I’m asking is take a moment to think about the people who are always there for you. Think about their existence and realise that they too are human and that the same pain you feel they feel too . DO you ever take a minute to invest in them emotionally or are you just draining and draining ….. Do something before they start falling from the sky .

Food for thought

“Even Angels Learn How To Fly”

First and fore most I would Like to apologise for the long time it has taken for me to get back inot this.  It has not been by choice but I have made a conscious decision to take time out to re- think a few things in life. Now I know y’all think that I’m too deep or that I’m alway on some tip. Well on the contrary I’m actually quite a simple minded person who simpli takes stock of what life throws at us each day.

Back to the topic I’m discussing today. I’ve been listening a lot to the new song by Fantasia that she just released. Bare in mind that this article is in no way promoting the song nor the artist as I try to stay away from that in this blog. Now this song got me to thinking about a few of life challenges that we face as humans each day.  Last year was a tough year for me I got broken hearted thought I’d never get over that,  I lost both my grandmothers plus a lot of other social and family issues that happened during the course of the year.  Now in that space that  I was in,  I felt very defeated and I felt that the world was unfair and that my life was the worst anyone could ever wish for.  I was in a place where victory seemed like a story you hear from the neighbours and you never think its something that can happen to you. I was srugglng to find the joy that life should have and how to endure these sort of hardships. Despite the impending interventions of friends family and loved ones I felt really disheartened by the way my life was going. Why am I saying this? As you have realised by now I never speak about my personal life in any format on this blog or anywhere else. The reason for me saying this is that I am trying to drive a point home of why I’m going to say the things I am about to say next, relating to the title of this blog.

So many times in life we get to  moments that test our endurance and our integrity. Now many of you may ask what the lesson is in life or what exam we are trying to pass.  It all seems at some point as though its for no apparent reason or that its not worth the hassle.  Some of you may even have questioned the point of your existence. I am not going to say that I know the answer to any of those particular questions, but I will tell you that I have found the source of my existence.  When you hear the term “EVEN ANGELS LEARN HOW TO FLY”, one wonders how an angel can learn how to fly. I like to look at it this way, when you look at an angel, it is the most beautiful of God’s creation. CREATION being the operative word. when God creates,  his format is simple HE gives freedom of choice, and we as Gods creations have a beginning and in that beginning we have the choice to learn how to do the right thing or not. I found out that happiness is a choice. When you look at an angel, it was created by God , for the purpose of being a source of comfort and of support to the rest of Gods creation.  But an angel is not obliged to do as such. Just as much as the devil was the head angel he chose to do wrong and left heaven so does every angel. The angels we have come to love and Idolize choose each day in their existence to find peace in doing that which they were created for , which is doing good. Sometimes we get carried away with the sadness of how things are not going away  or how the world is not doing what we want it to do. We choose to allow negative to determine how we react to the world. So I pose this question to you, what have you done for the world, what have you chosen to bring positive to in the existence of others.

Its easy to have a one way mirror view of the world. A view that allows you to see only yourself and forget that  a bigger part of the world exists outside yourself. We focus on doing things that enable ourselves to feel better about ourselves and we forget to find the source of happiness , which is fulfilling the goal for which you were created.   Sometimes we waste so much time speaking on how the world has not been fair or how broken hearted or how cheated we have been by life, but we forget that the mere fact that you are alive is a blessing on its own. The world does not owe you anything. But you owe it for the air you breathe and the sun it shines. EVEN ANGELS LEARN HOW TO FLY. You can choose to fly, and become   a joyful peaceful and content person. Or you can wait until your wings are emaciated   and your existence is no longer void.

Human

This week I’m looking at the concept of Humanity.. The aspect of our existence that many of us so conveniently forget.  The reality of our lives is that none of us are perfect , none of us meet the socially acceptable standards set oh so highly by those infamous hypocrites we so dearly refer to  as our acestors. Many standards which they themselves could not adhere to. Now my tag is not trying to discredit the moral uprightness and social consciousness which they tried to uphold by setting those rules.  My piece is targeting the concept of the measurement of social uprightness and how we as humans have allowed such artificially high standards to create a huge layer of  hypocrisy around our environment.

I have been watching the news and how our society has placed certain forms of behavior in a negative light to the poing t where our existance is deifned with a lot of grey areas . Sometimes our actions are judged to badly by people around us resulting in the creation of the socialy schizophrenic  behavior. People have resorted to creating mutiple personalities n order to be social chameleons due to the judgement and measurement of our human behaviour. Why have chosen a path of hurting our fellow humans. Heres the answer: our own moral decay has resulted in a path of choosing the route of degrading our fellow humans.

Our own feeling of inadequacy has stemmed the course of our route. We have chosen to continue on the path of moral destruction with the leeway of being able to exemplify our immorality using the flaws of others. Rather than working on things internaly we have become complacent and focused on the existence of the flaws of our fellow humanity.Its rather sad that we as humans have allowed our society to that.

My closing thought is this. Today, how many people have u flawed out. and how many times have u measured yourself by the flaws of another person? take a minute to evaluate your own actions first and see how they affect others before u endeavor to focus on the flaws of others.

Let us focus on the issue of humanity. Humanity in its creation is about compassion, understanding and knowing that we are all works in progress but that at the end we are all working towards perfection. That imperfection is what will create perfection.

Love you all

Shadowless